Why The New Belgium Ben & Jerry’s Collab Will Not Ruin Children

News dropped back in April (actually we broke the story back in January if you had been paying close attention to PorchDrinking for the 2-3 hours where we carried New Belgium’s beer release calendar until they asked us to hold off on publishing their list) that New Belgium Brewing Company would be forming a Dream Team alliance with Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream to brew a Salted Caramel Brownie Brown Ale which will be released November 2nd.

Most craft beer fans view the upcoming union as the perfect pairing between two like minded real life Willy Wonka-esque companies who focus on innovative experimental recipes, as well as social and community minded awareness. However, as the Coloradan noted others like Bruce Lee Livingston believe that a move like this will lead us down a slippery slope.

“It’s a crass, corporate greedy move to put a brand name like Ben & Jerry’s on a beer,” says Bruce Lee Livingston, executive director and CEO of Alcohol Justice, an alcohol industry watchdog consumer group. “It’s bad for children — who will start looking at beer as the next step after ice cream.”

I think what Mr. Livingston implied was that this ice cream company/brewery pairing would logically result our nation’s youth turning into masses of pube-y waxed mustache donning, unruly fixie tricycle riding,(this last one comes from one Shannon Berner) skinny diaper with the cuffs furled wearing, miniature craft beer hipster drunks.

I can’t even begin to describe how flawed this logic is but i will try:

1) Clearly only children eat ice cream, which is why this was such a “corporate greedy move”.

2) Flavors like maple bacon doughnut, orange dreamsicle, girl scout cookie, and creme brûlée have never existed as beer flavors before (here’s a hint they definitely have), so this is pioneering the movement of tying sweets to beer.

3) New Belgium and Ben & Jerry’s have nothing in common, for instance, being B- Corps who are certified by the nonprofit B Lab to meet rigorous standards of social and environmental performance, accountability, and transparency. Or having similar core values- Ben & Jerry’s third core value “Our Social Mission compels us to use our Company in innovative ways to make the world a better place,” and New Belgium’s fourth core value “Kindling social, environmental and cultural change as a business role model.” or the fact that they push the boundary of tastes by creating unique and innovative flavors, or the fact that they’ve both partnered with other companies, causes and public figures on special recipes.

4) Craft beer is clearly the stepping stone for childhood alcoholism, because children can afford it, and their parents can’t be held responsible to teach right from wrong, and because no other harmful industries like fast food, junk food, cigarettes, basically every Super Bowl ad ever, blatantly market harmful products to children.

5) Oh and back to these two companies being all self serving and greedy, lets just forget the fact that a portion of the profits will go toward Protect Our Winters an organization who’s mission is to protect against climate change through the winter sports community.

Can we all just take a moment and get excited how great this Salted Caramel Brownie Brown will assuredly taste, and if we really want to worry about the children, let us first tackle issues like childhood obesity, illiteracy, “role models” like Justin Bieber, and the fact that there aren’t positive more influences around anymore like TGIF, Saturday Morning Cartoons, Disney Original Movies, Reading Rainbow, and Book It. Want to find out more about this great fusion of B-corps? Check out the video below: