Ultimate 6er for the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Mike Awful
On July 4, 2012

Let’s face it, we all know it’s coming. Even though we may have a few of the details wrong (zombies prefer faces over brains—who knew?) recent events continue to validate our fears. If you don’t believe any of this, I’m having a Bath Salts party this weekend and you’re invited.

Camping Stove — See that? That’s a fully functional camping stove constructed from a single aluminum can—just add fuel. Bottles are also useful as they can be broken and plunged into zombie eyeballs. Not quite as elegant, but still effective.

So here’s the scenario: The outbreak is in full force. Your town is overrun with the undead or whatever. You have a short period of time to gather what you need and head for the wilderness. You’ve already hit the grocery store and the martial arts supply store (nunchucks don’t run out of bullets) and you’re standing in the good-beer aisle of your favorite liquor store, piecing together the LAST SIX PACK YOU WILL EVER HAVE. Despite the fact that there’s a Thriller reject stagger-dancing his way toward you, you’re going to want to take your time on this one, since it’s the LAST SIX PACK YOU WILL EVER HAVE.

Thus, choose practically—don’t just start grabbing beers all willy nilly. You’re going to want both cans and bottles. Cans are lighter, easier to carry, and the aluminum can be crafted into useful survival tools.

Lets get on to the selection:

Wake Up Dead Imperial Stout | Left Hand

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em… plus it’s a Russian imperial stout so it might just bring you back from the undead.

Tripel | Chimay

This one is an easy choice. It’s an incredible beer AND super practical. If Trappist monks can survive on this and this alone during weeks of fasting, it can surely sustain your ass for a day or two until you manage to snare a squirrel.

Coors Light

You might run out of water. If so, you’ll have this. Plus a silver bullet to the dome might be the only way you’ll be able to defend yourself.

Zombie Dust | Three Floyds

This treat from Three Floyds might be your the last ditch effort to end the invasion. Zombie Dust is a citra hopped wonder that will serve as the spinach to your Popeye when you need it the most. It might be a bit difficult to get your hands on but worth the effort when the end of days is near.

Pliny the Elder | Russian River

If you can find it at your store, grab one. You might as well include a bottle of what many consider to be the best ale in the world in your final sixer. Is it over hyped? Maybe a little. But it’s revered for good reason, and you’ll certainly appreciate it.

This one is a wildcard

It’s the first beer you ever tried. For me, it was a Little Kings that I literally found in my yard one summer day as a kid. Curiosity got the best of me and I couldn’t help but try it, even though it was so hot it nearly boiled. After grimacing through a couple of gulps, I put the Big League Chew back in my mouth and didn’t try another beer until years later. Whatever your first brew was, you can certainly appreciate the poetic nature of the whole circle-of-life thing as you sip your first/last beer while gazing upon the twilight of modern civilization. Before you crack it open though, climb a nice, tall rock and give it a good Simba Lift.