Big Hurt Beer –  Minhas Craft Brewery, Monroe, WI

ABV: 7.0%

Walking past a random grocery store in Chicago last November, I caught a glimpse of Frank Thomas, looming large over the liquor aisle and proudly holding up two tall boy cans of a beer I had never seen before.  I rushed inside hoping to meet my childhood hero, but was met with disappointment after I nearly tackled his cardboard cutout. This was my introduction to Big Hurt Beer.

Say that out loud to yourself. Big. Hurt. Beer. Is that not the most badass name for a beer? Yeah, yeah, there are beers named after undead hordes and incredible myths, but not one equals the sheer badassness of Big Hurt Beer. Big. Hurt. Beer.

This is normally the part of the review where I break down how the beer tastes, whether there were obscure floral notes, and how it pairs with a $35 hunk of cheese, but does any of this really matter with a beer like this? First and foremost, it’s technically a malt liquor. Secondly, there’s no vivid description on the side of the can to let you know you’re stepping into flavor country. It’s a simple black can with Big Frank’s outstretched silhouette below three letters – BHB. This is born and bred to be a cheap beer.

Mission accomplished. It’s highly drinkable, and has a higher ABV  (7%) then PBR, Miller or Coors. That’s not to say it’s actually good. It’s not. But if you’re drinking cheap beer, you’re not drinking for the amazing taste. You’re drinking to be badass.