Hey y’all. I know you have all been dying in anticipation for my Emmy nomination reactions. Since they are abundant and I’m going to be on vacation this week, I’m rolling them out in three chunks: Comedy, Drama and Riff Raff. They go in descending order of anger. First off: Comedy.

Best comedy

The Big Bang Theory
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Girls
Modern Family
30 Rock
Veep

Though admitedly I do not watch it, I don’t understand the appearance of Big Bang Theory on this list. It seems to me the show is all “Let’s laugh at the nerds and how different they are! HahaHAHAHAHAHA. Let’s all go to Applebee’s for dinner!” I can accept its high ratings to a point as it is not a challenging show to watch and Americans largely don’t want to think about what they watch. But I think that very reason should exclude it from Emmy contention. I tried to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm but the whole foot-in-the-mouth-guy-just-keeps-digging-himself-into-a-hole-oh-wait-he-might-get-out-of-the-hole-oh-nope-now-he’s-deeper-in-the-hole-than-before thing really makes my Social Anxiety Disorder flare up.  I’m not at all surprised by Girls making the cut as it was really the most recent break out show. And seriously, Shoshana on crack was hilarious. While I think Veep is perfectly satisfactory, I don’t think it was one of the top six comedies of the year by any means. All I have to say about Modern Family is, “obviously.” I’m actually really surprised to see 30 Rock on this list over almost any other NBC comedy (I said almost—I’m looking at you The Office). Lord knows I love Tina Fey (and I once tried to disown my own father so that she might be the patriarch of my family. It didn’t work out), but can we really say this season of 30 Rock was really that amazing?  But more importantly HOW DID PARKS AND RECREATION NOT GET NOMINATED?! I mean, I don’t want to dwell, but Veep?! Over Parks and Recreation? Seriously? Seriously. And for really seriously, what does Cougar Town need to do for people to look past the title? Um and what about a little show called Happy Endings? It’s right there in the title- the show will make you happy by the end of it. I am VERY surprised Louie didn’t get nominated. Here’s what the list should have been:

Happy Endings
Parks and Recreation
Girls
Modern Family
Louie
Cougar Town

Lead actress in a comedy

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

I will admit a disadvantage in this category as I don’t watch Nurse Jackie or Mike & Molly. I mean, everyone was totally happy Melissa McCarthy won last year, but everyone also acknowledged that she really won for Bridesmaids so I’m a little confuzzled why she’s on the list again. And while I acknowledge the brilliance of Lena Dunham writing, producing, directing and staring in her own show at the tender age of 26 (but seriously, fuck her), if we just look at her comedic acting, are we sure she’s better than Casey Wilson or Eliza Coupe on Happy Endings?

Lead actor in a comedy

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

When I was watching the telecast and they said, “Jon Cryer” I actually said out loud to no one, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” The only reason I can think of to justify this blatant slap in the face to all that is good in the world is that this had to be a pity nomination. Poor Jon Cryer and what that mean old Charlie Sheen did to him and blah blah Molly Ringwald blah. Let’s pretend, just for fun, that ‘Damon Wayans Jr, Happy Endings‘ is spelled ‘Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men.’ I’ve only seen one episode of House of Lies.  But there’s a reason I stopped at one. I don’t think I even cracked a smile and I found Don Cheadle’s character repulsive and not in a charming way. There’s a way to be repulsive and charming. Look at Joel McHale on Community. Jeff sucks. But Jeff is also awesome. So we’ll also go ahead and swap out Don for Adam Pally and I then can at least accept this category. As it stands, just give Louis C.K. his statue and be done with it.

Best supporting actress, comedy

Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

I didn’t know Kathryn Joosten was beloved enough to get the posthumous nomination. However, I will not argue with a dead lady being nominated and you can’t make me! I really don’t think there’s any way the Emmy voters even watched Cougar Town as Busy Phillips’ name doesn’t seem to be on that list. They also must not watch Big Bang Theory because Mayim Bialik’s name is on the list.

Best supporting actor, comedy

Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Max Greenfield, New Girl
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live

I’m sorry to my long time love Jesse Tyler Ferguson, but I really have to go to Max Greenfield FTW. That man took a character so annoying and turned him into completely endearing. I just cannot with how much I love him. I’m very pleasantly surprised to also see Bill Hader on the list. I think we need to stick a cap on how many people from one show can be nominated in a single category. Let’s instate a 3-nomination cap. And let’s also say that instead of Eric Stonestreet, NICK FUCKING OFFERMAN got nominated instead. Fuck my nomination cap—I don’t know how Nick Offerman wasn’t number one on everyone’s ballot. The fact that his name is not on that goddamned list is a crime and a shame. It’s a crame. Or a shime. Also, let’s swap out Ed O’Neil for Danny Pudi (Community) and all will be right in the world.

Best writing for a comedy

Chris McKenna, Community
Lena Dunham, Girls
Louis C.K., Louie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Michael Schur, Parks and Recreation

This is really hard to call because I don’t know what episodes they are referring to (I’m sure this information is available somewhere, I’m just too lazy). It’s really hard to go wrong in this category, though I think its going to be the cable darlings that are Louis C.K. and Lena Dunham.

So what did you guys think? Were you trying to figure out what the Emmy voters were smoking as well? Or were you underwhelmed by the nominations? Let me know in the comments section below.  Also, check back Sunday for my reactions to the Drama categories and don’t forget to follow my blog at ceeveemmm.wordpress.com Til then -cvm