Roundtable Discussion: If I Were President…

With this week’s Presidential Inauguration we thought we’d task our writers to share what their first (non-political) act would be if they were elected president of the United States. Of course this meant living out a number of ridiculous childhood dreams as well as the conversation spinning out of control into a West Wing love fest. Let us know what your first presidential move would be in the comments section below!

Vic: 3 words: White House Kegger

Laura M: Puppies for everyone! It would be just like this…

Drew: First thing I’d do with my presidential powers? It wouldn’t even be an executive order or new action. I’d just go straight to the president’s private movie theater and order advanced screeners of pretty much every movie coming out in the next 4 months.

Erin R: Assemble a team of experts and get some real answers to all of the important conspiracy theories. Area 51? JFK? Freemasons? And then to relax, proceed to throw a pool party at the White House private swimming pool for all of my friends (and most generous campaign donors).

Coit: I like where you’re headed there, Drew. If I had POTUS powers the first thing done would be a White House naked lap ending in the Oval Office. If you want to be part of my staff, you better get strippin and join in.

Then I’d get down to real business….pancake breakfast. And some light small talk about completely reforming how politicians are funded so they can get back to representing the people, not the highest bidder.

Adam R: I would hire the entire cast of the West Wing, but mainly just to irritate my actual staff.

CVM: See and yet BECAUSE of the West Wing, I feel the first thing I would do would be a panic attack and trying to figure out why I did this to myself.

Drew: Oh, good call on West Wingin’ it. I’d do all my meetings via walk-and-talk. And buy myself a pedometer to see how many miles I walked while discussing issues of national importance.

Adam R: Under no circumstances can Allison Janney be permitted to do “the Jackal.” It would just creep everyone out.

Phil: Plant hops in the rose garden.

Jason B: I would cap all athlete salaries at $1 million/year, freeze all sporting event and concert ticket prices at their 1981 (year of my birth) rates, and switch to a four day, thirty-six hour work week. Cheers.

Nate: I would hold a press conference just to tell everyone that I lost “The Game”.

Tristan: I would make Sinbad my secret service agent, I’d put Jeff Goldblum in charge of our space division, and help Nic Cage find a bunch of treasure hidden by the Freemasons. Oh and White House brewed Ail to the Chief for everyone!