Time again to review the pop culture news and info that we at PorchDrinking.com love and care most about.

At the Box Office

This Easter weekend, the number one movie in theaters was GI Joe: Retaliation, pulling in $41.2 million. And it’s such a deserving film. With a command performance from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and a career-defining dramatic turn by Channing Tatum, this movie will keep you at the edge of your seat, and not just because you’re eagerly awaiting the moment when Channing takes his shirt off.

The BEST movie out this week, though, is Tyler Perry’s “Temptation.” If you didn’t see the trailer, watch it here. Even just the first line makes it clear that THIS is the movie that finally shows of Kim Kardashian’s true talent. She is absolutely fantastic in this movie. Her line deliveries are so convincing, I couldn’t believe she isn’t already an Oscar-winner. The only thing I didn’t like about this movie is that I kept waiting for Madea to show up. I love Tyler Perry, ESPECIALLY Madea. Isn’t she funny?

They should do a Madea movie WITH Kim Kardashian. Call it, like “Tyler Perry’s: Keeping Up With Madea” or something! I’d watch that!

Our Favorite Shows Returning!

So, yeah, I guess “Game of Thrones” is coming back soon. And “The Walking Dead” has its finale and “Mad Men” returns soon. But none of us here at PorchDrinking watch ANY of those shows. Here are the show’s WE’RE most excited for:

• Splash – We all whole-heartedly believe that TV has never been as good as watching Louie Anderson dive into a pool.
• Whitney – We’re assuming you all saw the HILARIOUS finale last week where Whitney meets up with Chelsea Handler? We cannot WAIT for this show to come back next fall – hopefully to replace Parks and Rec. Heck, let’s have Whitney on every night!
• 2 Broke Girls – They’ve been showing repeats the last couple weeks, but the episode title for the next new episode is “And the Worst Selfie Ever.” HA! I wonder which of the two broke girls takes the worst selfie ever?! I can’t wait to find out!

Of course, let’s take a moment of silence to lament the passing of our absolute favorite show of all time. A show that was dearly loved by its fans but which was canceled too soon by a network which just didn’t understand its brand of comedy.

Rest in peace, Animal Practice.

Justin Bieber’s Monkey DETAINED!

No, you guys, I’m not kidding, Justin Bieber was, like, trying to get into Germany with his pet capuchin monkey named Mally, and the officials were like total jerk-faces about it and asked if Justin had any documentation for the monkey and he was all like “no I don’t but it’s chill this monkey got swag” and then they were all like “I’m sorry sir but you can’t bring exotic animals into the country without any documentation” (these guyz sound like such d-baggz) and he was all like “Aww, shoot, man, don’t take my monkey” and then they took his monkey anyway it’s like so unbelievable because Justin is such an inspiration to so many of us and he’s been through so much like his hamster just died and they can’t give him a break it’s not like his monkey has any diseases Justin probably takes like really good care of it so really I think the lesson here is that we should all just stay away from Germany because this is like worse than anything Hitler did, guys, it’s awful and I just hope Justin can find the strength to carry on and keep doing his shows and don’t worry Justin because we all Belieb in you!

 

Jay Leno’s Best Jokes of the Week

It’s no secret that I am a HUGE fan of Jay Leno’s work. Team Jay-Jay! So I want to end this post by sharing all of the super-funny stuff he said in his monologues on his show this week.

• “A 33-year-old woman in Britain claims to have an allergic reaction to exercise. She says every time she exercises, she has an allergic reaction. Actually, I have that. You know how I treat it? Pizza.”

Haha, get it?! Because Jay does not take care of his body! Ha!

• “Pope Francis met former Pope Benedict over the weekend at a Vatican retreat. They spent the weekend in prayer trying to figure out exactly what marshmallow Peeps have to do with Easter.”

See, Jay’s not afraid to get edgy and take on the Easter-Peeps conglomerates. One of the reasons I really respect him both as a comedian and a human being.

• “T-Mobile announced yesterday that they are doing away with contracts. Apparently they got the idea from NBC.”

Ha! This one is funny, of course, because Jay is just PRETENDING to be a character who forgets that time three years ago that he screwed Conan out of HIS contract. Of course he has a soul. The joke is that he’s doing this bit where bad things only happen to HIM! Ha-LARIOUS!

• “North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. What did Dennis Rodman say to these people? What did he do?”

Hehe, I dunno Jay. What did he do? At least your comedy is distracting us from the very serious threat of a nuclear showdown. Does that make you a hero, Jay? Yes, yes it does.