The first season of Orange is the New Black brought us so many life lessons that it’s no surprise that the second season was no different.  While last season taught us the many functions of a screwdriver, this season gave us a level of ingenuity that rivals Macgyver.  I would hope that this would go without saying, but crazy [SPOILERS] ahead, my friends.

Watch out for the elderly

And I don’t mean that in a “oh we should take care of those that are youthfully challenged.”  I mean, you seriously need to keep an eye on them.  It’s not all “oh look at the nice old ladies with their knitting and gardening and getting closer and closer to death.  Adorable!” Those knitting needles are sharp, my friend, and those ladies aren’t in prison for fun.  They clearly did something to be there and don’t think they are getting any more law-abiding as they slip into senility.  You threaten them and they will cut you.  Or they’ll cut someone that has similar hair as you and pretend it’s a warning.  Either way, SOMEBODY gets stabbed.

How to Assassinate: A Step-by-step Guide

Necessary Materials: Vision

Step One: Pick a person to kill.

Step Two: Kill that person

Things can always, ALWAYS get crazier

Oh you thought someone peeing on your floor was weird? Well welcome to Chicago.

 

 

 

 

Speaking of that crazy bitch…

That’s not where Muskegon, MI is

This isn’t so much something I learned from the show as something I want to correct.  Not only am I a Michiganian myself, but I grew up going to a little place called Muskegon, Michigan every year.  It was the home of a little oasis called Michigan Adventure.  If you clicked that link, I think Tim Allen is over-selling it a bit, but for like $30 you can go on a very creaky, seemingly unsafe wooden roller coaster AND have access to the water park.  But I digress. My point is that I know where Muskegon is and this Mazall person does not know where she grew up.

 

 

OITNB: Killing Childhoods Even in Season 2

Just this:

 

Furlough is not Fairlough

I don’t have much more to add to that. I mostly just wanted to end on a pun.