You know when you’re at a concert you’ve been looking forward to, and all those drunk and/or/loud and our tall people blocking your view take away the enjoyment? Or that guy who answers his cell phone during the movie trailers like it’s no big deal? Or those on-screen hashtags during your favorite show that are waaaay too distracting?

If you consume a lot of pop culture, you’ve inevitably had your experience ruined – either by the content itself, or the people with whom you consume it. So we’re taking an inventory here at PorchDrinking of what is THE WORST. The methodology is simple – list any two pop culture pet peeves, and ask, “WHICH IS WORSE?” It’s a collaboration of PorchDrinking pop culture experts, and debated/discussed civilly between my roommates after a night of drinking and watching TV. (LivingroomDrinking is like the pop culture offshoot of PorchDrinking). Here’s what we came up with… We welcome your votes, and your pet peeves we’ve missed.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• People yelling out at a concert during an acoustic song

• People heckling a comedy act

Verdict on the porch: Heckling. We’re not there to hear you, bro.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• A co-worker spoils the plot of a Sunday night TV show on Monday morning

• A co-worker spoils the plot of a newly-released movie on Monday morning

Verdict on the porch: TV. You saved me 15 bucks by giving away the movie; you ruined a season worth of watching by giving away last night’s episode.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• A friend always plays the same few songs in their car/cubicle/apartment

• A friend never finishes a song before skipping to the next

Verdict on the porch: Skipping. Four minutes is not a big commitment to make. Please stick it out.

 

A friend has seen this movie/TV show before and is watching it with you…

WHICH IS WORSE?

• They’re criticizing every minor detail

• They’re trying to have a casual conversation

Verdict on the porch: We all agree both are egregious. Please do not talk except to agree with my brilliant insight.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Someone shows you a long YouTube video and goes “This is so funny… wait for it… It’s just in this next part… It’s so funny… wait, it’s almost there…”

• Someone you haven’t talked to in years invites you to their event on Facebook

Verdict on the porch:  YouTube video. I need exact timecodes of when I’m supposed to laugh; I’ll watch at my convenience and let you know later if I enjoyed it.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Your Twitter feed clogged with posts about a show/sporting event you aren’t watching/can’t watch

• People using hashtags in real life

Verdict on the porch:  Hashtags. Do not use hashtags in real life. Even ironically. We never want to hear the words “bae” or “yolo” out loud.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Awards show banter for categories you don’t care about

• Awards show red carpet coverage

Verdict on the porch:  Banter. Red carpet gives you a chance to get a buzz on leading up to the event. Watching a cast member from “Big Bang Theory” talk about the “magic and transportive wonder of the wardrobe department” is agony.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Melodramatic movies about people with terminal illness

• Melodramatic movies about dogs

Verdict on the porch:  Terminal illness. We find plenty of Fault in these Stars’ performances. GET IT?!?!

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Having to save a seat for someone who’s late

• The person who saved you seat picked a crappy section

Verdict on the porch:  Crappy section. Watching from bad seats is almost worse than not watching at all. Which leads us to…

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Front row of the movie theater

• Back row of the movie theater

Verdict on the porch:  Front row (unanimously). I’ll bring my glasses in case we have to sit in back. There’s no cure for the neck-ache of the front row.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Very tall/broad person in front of you at a concert

• Very drunk person in front of you at a concert

Verdict on the porch:  Tall/broad person. Nothing wrong with the way you were made. You can’t help it. But I can only see like 20% of the stage.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Bands tell a lot of long non-sequitur stories between songs

• Bands use pre-recorded vocal/instrumental backing

Verdict on the porch:  Backing. If I wanted to hear you pre-recorded, I would’ve stayed home.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Someone asks you to explain what’s going on in every scene of a movie

• Someone quotes every line of dialogue a few seconds before the character says it

Verdict on the porch:  Split decision. Just…. be a good friend… In either case, the following advice applies: Let the movie speak for itself

WHICH IS WORSE?

• The person next to you at the theater is texting

• The person next to you at the theater is making out with their date

Verdict on the porch:  Texting. It’s soooo visually distracting, and it’s entirely unnecessary.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Listening to someone hate on a show that you love

• Listening to someone love on a show that you hate

Verdict on the porch:  Loving on a show you hate. It’s brutal. Why are you so wrong? And it’s sometimes awkward to give counter-points, when the terrible judge of pop culture is a boss or a first date.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Cliffhangers

• Predictable endings

Verdict on the porch:  Predictable endings. At least cliffhangers make us want to come back for more.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Old people at the movies asking questions

• Babies at the movies fussing

Verdict on the porch:  Babies. At least chatty older folks make us hopeful that we’ll still be adorably consuming pop culture in our golden years.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Sitting through a long commercial break

• Sitting through trailers you’ve already seen before

Verdict on the porch:  Trailers. The number of times we’ve seen that Tom Cruise trailer adds up to longer than that Tom Cruise movie.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• Sequels

• Reboots

Verdict on the porch:  Reboots. Because we already know what to expect. We would’ve rather seen Spiderman 4 with a new actor as Peter Parker than have to watch the same ol’ Spiderman origin story so soon after the last movie.

WHICH IS WORSE?

• A serious actor trying to sing (Russell Crowe, Meryl Streep)

• A comedic actor trying to be serious (Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill)

Verdict on the porch:  Serious actor trying to sing. Who you kiddin’, Meryl?