22 years after the original “Jurassic Park” film, the fourth installment in the franchise will be released this weekend. “Jurassic World” is expected to create a big draw at the box office, to the point where critical reception is almost irrelevant.

But just in case, we at PorchDrinking want to bring you insight into “Jurassic World” from the only source you can really trust to accurately gauge the quality of any work. And no, we don’t mean Peter Travers or Roger Ebert or any of those entertainment shows. We’re talking about the magical place where grammar, punctuation, capitalization, syntax, and measured opinions go to die—comments sections on the internet. That’s right—for the next few paragraphs, I’m putting my English degree on a shelf and welcoming my guest contributors from the dark recesses of internet comments sections.

“Jurassic World” comes to us from the mind of Colin Trevorrow, a self-proclaimed fan of the previous installments of the “Jurassic Park” universe. A big-budget film such as this might seem like a departure for a director whose biggest prior project was the 2012 film “Safety Not Guaranteed.” Fans might have their concerns about the choice of Trevorrow—many don’t even know whether his name is pronounced “like trevor-row or tre-vorrow?“—but the quality of CGI surely won’t diminish the sheer delight in seeing dino-sized chaos on the screen.

Even for those who ask, “Is it okay to see Jurassic World without seeing Jurassic Park? bc yolo,” the early scenes of “Jurassic World” do a good job of explaining—even over-explaining—the concept of a theme park where people can see dinosaurs brought back from extinction. This film takes that premise to new extremes, as engineers at a fresh new Jurassic World combine dinosaur DNA to create bold new attractions that for sure won’t get loose and eat people this time. The excitement and eventual fear of the fictional Jurassic Park tourists may be mirrored in the real-life audiences. IM SO READY but im terrified of dinosaurs, and filmmakers do NOTHING to assuage those fears with any sort of disclaimer about whether or not actual dinosaurs were used in the making of this movie. 

The plot is fairly simple: the giant new hybrid dinosaur created by Jurassic World gets loose, and these hapless humans have to get people to safety and just maybe get the park under control. The possibility of dinosaurs in our world is alarming, and raises some interesting questions. If Jurassic World was real and the government offered u 100k TO TEST THE PARK OUT Would u do it? Think about what you’d do in the presence of these beasts. If dinosaurs hadn’t become extinct they’d probably walking down the city or hanging around disneyland & ocean park. Woah! The reality of humans and dinosaurs co-habitating beautiful destinations seems like fantasy, but it’s the sort of thing “Jurassic World” puts on film for two hours and four minutes.

And the beasts dazzle on screen. While it was reported that “Jurassic World” would feature animatronic effects like the 1993 installment, they are few and far-between. The aesthetic of the movie is mostly CGI. Looks beautiful, but good lord that dialogue… There’s a guy who wears a vest and rides a motorcycle and trains velociraptors and makes jokes about velociraptor sex. Yeah, this movie is cheesy. But moreover: The guy riding the motorcycle with those velociraptors, was that the same guy from Guardians of the Galaxy? He looks a little bit like a skinnier version of the chubby guy from “Parks and Recreation.” Speaking of casting, series favorites Sam Neil and Jeff Goldblum will not be returning for the fourth installment, but What ever the F*** you guys say Jurassic world is going to be good with or without DR. IAN MALCOLM.

We’ll avoid spoilers in this space, but you know what to expect from a “Jurassic Park” movie. did you not learn from the last 3 times shit hit the fan?!…better bring in the damn power rangers tell them Dino’s to calm they ass down lmfao

For a film series which isn’t known for much more than running, screaming, and a John Williams score, Bryce Dallas Howard does get a fair amount of character development. The trope of an uptight careerist falling for the hunky funnyman has been played out, but filmmakers may surprise audiences with Howard’s agency in shaping the third act of the movie. i watch her in Jurassic World 2day where she started being unlikeable then turned into a real heroine of a lady in the film and i completely fell in love with her in this movie. Who says a blockbuster movie can’t have a beautiful love story?

Jurassic World was fine…… Overall, we have a mixed bag here. Jurassic World was bad but good too, just as I predicted. There are problematic moments which strain credulity, and there are moments which truly are hype AF. So the bottom line is, Just watch the film. If you like it, great, if you don’t, then fine. This movie looks like it will be entertaining which is perfectly acceptable for me.