Ultimate 6er | Presidential Election

Brad Hartsock
On October 13, 2016

I think we can safely say that our Presidential election is in the Tyson Zone.

On the one hand we have Hillary Clinton. I’ve heard some folks don’t like her. (That’s a real story about a presidential candidate in 2016.)

On the other hand we have Donald Trump, almost certainly the most unprepared, untruthful and disrespectful candidate this county has ever seen. He’s all about Making America Great Again, whether you know what that means or not.

To be honest, I don’t see how anyone could objectively conclude that Donald Trump is fit to be our next president. Please have no expectations that I’ll present a balanced case in the paragraphs below.

Hillary Clinton

Blood Orange Gose | Anderson Valley

I don’t think that too many people would say that gose is their absolute FAVORITE style of beer. Not that it’s bad per se, but given other options, you might be more likely to choose something else. It’s possible you might not be drawn to the salty/sour combination, or even decide it’s a little off-putting. That being said, Anderson Valley’s Blood Orange Gose is well made by competent brewers who have experience with the style and is totally worthy of being given a shot.

The Great Pumpkin | Elysian Brewing

Although the election cycle is nearing its end, pumpkin beer season is just getting into full swing. Elysian Brewing certainly loves pumpkin and just held their 12th annual Great Pumpkin Beer Festival as a sign of their devotion. They brewed around 20 different beers for the festival and have several pumpkin offerings available on tap and in bottles seasonally.

Following Elysian’s acquisition by Anheuser-Busch last year, concerns about corporate involvement could be valid. At the very least, it’s reasonable to be upset by Big Beer’s efforts to buy its way into the craft beer market. But that doesn’t mean that Elysian has stopped making good beer, and The Great Pumpkin is no exception. It’s a tasty, balanced pumpkin ale, and it’s definitely a good choice this November.

Budweiser (America)

Speaking of good old AB, Budweiser is the quintessential establishment beer. It would be pretty hard to argue that Hilary Clinton is not part of the establishment given how long she’s been involved in public service. And I get it, shaking up the establishment is great. But do we really need to burn it (and our international credibility) to the ground to create change? That’s like setting your car on fire to kill a spider.

Donald Trump

(Note: Normally we profile six beers in our Ultimate 6er columns, but comparing Trump to craft beer would be insulting to beer. Since the election long ago parted ways with the norms of what it means to be presidential and have decorum, I’ve allowed myself some liberties as well.)

Goldtooth Nazi

The Goldtooth Nazi is a shot consisting of Goldschlager and Jagermeister. Goldschlager really wants you to think it’s luxurious – rich, even – with the whole gold flake motif. But actually, it contains very little gold. It’s all style and no substance. There is a myth about the liquor that the gold flakes produce small cuts in the drinker’s throat, causing them to get drunk faster. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be a good thing. Jagermeister also has an urban legend that it contains deer blood. Again, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be good. As is the case with pretty much everything out of Trump’s mouth, we know that both of these are false.

Mountain Dew and Everclear

I mean I guess you could drink this if you were truly desperate and your goal is to escape reality. You might even momentarily enjoy the burn of the pure grain alcohol in your system before eventually succumbing to a raging blackout. The caffeine- and sugar-laden soda will ensure you stay awake long enough to start a fight, a house fire or both.

It certainly seems like something Trump would enjoy.

A can of TaB someone spit tobacco juice in

TaB is a vestige of the 70s and 80s when, despite being pretty unenjoyable, it was somewhat popular. The name TaB is a play on the concept of “keeping tabs” on your weight, something Donald seems to be interested in, if not for himself, at least for women.

If you were drinking a TaB today, you might have thought it was something of a novelty. Maybe it made you feel nostalgic for an earlier time. You might have even thought it was ironic or interesting to drink something objectively unpleasant when there are clearly much better beverages available. Imagine now, taking a swig and realizing that the can isn’t full of just a mediocre soda, but vile, carcinogen-rich swill.

What option would you have but to brush your teeth, use some Listerine and throw the can in the trash?

Ultimate 6er | Presidential Election