Can you hear it? That’s the sweet, sweet sound of silence on the horizon. We’ve finally arrived at election day, which means by tomorrow the barrage of political ads will be all but a distant memory. Until then, we thought we’d help make election day a little more entertaining with a 2020 Election Night Drinking Game.
Early voting numbers in several states have already dwarfed 2016 votes, but the main event culminates on Tuesday, November 3, when millions of Americans will decide the fate of one of the most contentious elections in modern history (DRINK!). After the polls close, there’s nothing one can do but sit back and watch as the results roll in. What better way to enjoy the tallying than with a drink or two…ok, let’s be real: several drinks.
Please keep in mind, while we typically build these drinking games with viewing parties in mind, in light of recent COVID spikes across the country, we recommend that you play along with your immediate household members or quarantine buddies (or jump on the ubiquitous Zoom call). Additionally, please understand this was created for entertainment and comedic purposes. PorchDrinking.com and its staff do not actually support that you fully adhere to the rules listed above as they may end disastrously. Please drink responsibly. Special thanks to Erin Petrey, Emma Wargolet, and Mathew Powers for contributing to this article.
Now without further ado, your 2020 Election Night Drinking Game!
If you’re watching election coverage without rocking an I Voted sticker: Take one drink.
If Kentucky is the first state to announce results: Take one sip of bourbon.
Any time the phrase “too close to call” is uttered: Take one drink.
Any time a state is declared for a candidate: Name the state’s capital city or sip the number of electoral votes awarded from the state. (Better brush up on your state capitals before playing along… but really, please drink responsibly)
Any mention of voter fraud: Pretend to take a drink.
Voting Numbers & Analysis
Any mention of exit polling or Nate Silver & FiveThirtyEight: Project how many drinks you’ll consume tonight, then take one more drink.
Any mention of Daniel Dale or fact-checking the candidates: Announce how many drinks you’ve actually consumed thus far, then take another drink.
Any mention of “new voting demographics”: One drink.
Any mention of “highest voter turnout since _____”: One drink.
If you hear someone say, “This is the most important/consequential election”: Two drinks.
Any mention of your current Congressperson/Senator/Governor by name: One drink.
Explanation of what “too early to call” / “too close to call” means: One drink.
If a QAnon candidate wins a seat: Finish your drink and share your favorite conspiracy theory.
If a contested Congressional seat flips: Change seats and take a drink.
The Candidates
If Trump is shown in a video wearing a mask in public: One drink.
If Biden is shown in a video not wearing a mask in public: One drink.
Anytime Trump hyperbolizes, give a mini-speech about how “you are the greatest, everyone else watching with you is a loser”: One drink.
Anytime Trump says Jai-na (aka China), calls Coronavirus “Kung-Flu” or “China Flu”: Drink a Tsingtao.
If Trump is shown in video calling Biden “Sleepy Joe”: Take a power nap then take one drink when you awake.
Any mention of the “Hunter Biden Scandal”: Finish your drink and yell “ALL CLEAR.”
Take a shot if any outlet references a celebrity without any political experience as a viable candidate in 2024.
Any time Trump prematurely declares himself the victor: Prematurely finish your beer in less than 10 seconds.
If Joe Biden is shown wearing sunglasses: Put on your own sunglasses and chug a beer until that clip is over.
If you see a clip of Joe Biden saying “Malarkey” or “Come on man”: Enjoy a Werthers Original and sip on some “Dad Beers.”
Any time Trump’s taxes are brought up: Hand out a drink tax to someone else in the room.
Any time Kamala is shown: Give a side-eye to someone else in the room while enjoying a sip of beer.
Any mention of Texas Republicans’ attempt to invalidate more than 127,000 ballots or any mention of changing the electoral college: Recite the 12th Amendment of the American Constitution, then take a drink.
Whenever someone mentions “pandemic,” “Fauci,” “COVID,” “virus,” “vaccine,” “unprecedented,” or “new normal,” stop drinking and put on a mask until another one of those words is said, at which point you can take off your mask and take a drink. (It’s like backward Thunder.)
Trump tries to refer to himself as Abraham Lincoln: Take one drink.
If Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Jacob Blake, or Ahmaud Arbery are brought up, donate the cost of your beer (or more) to the NAACP, ACLU, or another social justice organization then be sure to support a Black-owned brewery near you.
If Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett is mentioned: Add a few more seats to your viewing area and enjoy nine sips in honor of the current number of Justices.
If Mitch McConnell is shown on screen: Put on protective gloves and take a proper dose of vitamins.
If Obama makes an appearance: Finish your beer, sink the can in the trash, and yell “That’s what I do!”
AOC Plus Three Mention: Take a selfie with your quaran-team while all taking a drink.
Photo courtesy of CNN
Technology
Smartboards are being gratuitously used to illustrate a point for no reason: Get out your crayons and color in your own election map then take a drink.
Technical issues with a reporter in the field: One drink.
Introduction of an unnecessary, pointless piece of technology: One drink.
Anytime you catch yourself also reading the same news from your phone as what’s being discussed on TV: One drink.
If Trump tweets during election coverage: SEND SOMEONE A TEXT IN ALL CAPS AND TAKE A DRINK
Media & Live Shots
More than four pundits are shown sitting at a table together: Take one drink. Tack on one more drink for every extra pundit sitting at that table.
Anytime a completely random, totally unrelated statistic is referenced: Randomly make up the number of drinks to dole out to others in the room.
Fake News mention: Pretend to take a shot.
Pan to a local dining or drinking establishment: One drink.
If they show the results for an uncontested race: One drink.
Any (and all) live coverage of a Trump Rally: Shotgun your beer.
“Breaking news” or “Key race alert” graphic, just to announce that a race is close, not yet called: one drink (max five drinks for the night).
If you can close your eyes and spell (out loud) “Stephanopoulos” correctly, you are allowed to skip a turn.
Geography
“Trump country” mention: One drink.
If your home state is mentioned: One drink.
Gerrymandering mention: Re-arrange all of the furniture in the room and take one drink.
Any reference to the outcome of Pennsylvania’s election and its importance: Refer to anyone in the room as “Yinz” then take one drink of Yuengling, if available.
Any time Putin or Russia is referenced: Take a shot of vodka.
Music
If Campaign HQ is playing any of these songs in the background, take one drink:
“We are the Champions” (Queen)
“Beautiful Day” (U2)
“Don’t Stop” (Fleetwood Mac) – Drink some Oceanspray Cranberry Juice
“Celebration” (Kool & the Gang)
“We Are Family” (Sister Sledge)
“Born in the USA” (Bruce Springsteen)
“I Won’t Back Down” (Tom Petty)
“Happy” (Pharrell Williams)
“Savage” (Megan Thee Stallion)
“WAP” (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) – Finish your whole goddamn drink.
One bottle of Pedialyte or Coconut Water: All races have been called, or it’s 11 p.m., whichever comes first (you have to work in the morning, after all).
If there’s a balloon drop: Start a waterfall and keep drinking until all the balloons fall.
The Morning After
One full pot of coffee and perhaps a little hair of the dog because while Wednesday is still a workday, we probably still won’t know the results for several days.
On a desktop? Right-click on the page and select “Print” from the menu. iPhone? Push the symbol that looks like a box with an arrow on top and select “Print.”
Photo courtesy of CNN
Comments