Ultimate Sixer | Six Beers I’m Afraid to Drink

In the course of discovering new beers, you inevitably uncover some concoctions that seem… strange. Maybe they showcase an unusual flavor, or an odd ingredient; maybe they just make you go, “huh.” Sometimes they’re downright scary. These are the brews that push the envelope a little further than you wanted. Their recklessness inspires respect… and maybe a little fear.

I decided to construct an Ultimate Sixer to showcase a few of the beers that have caused me a moment of questioning pause. What would happen if I ever decided to drink all of these at once? Would I die? It’s exciting, isn’t it!

Let’s check it out! Six Beers I’m Afraid to Drink:

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Red, White & Brew | An Independence Day Ultimate 6er

The American celebration of Independence Day is upon us. It is a weekend of fireworks and flag shorts. Koozie factories across the nation are working overtime this week. Hot dog farms are at capacity. What better time, I wonder, to drink a good beer? There isn’t! And I know you PorchDrinkers hate to come unprepared, so I’ve brainstormed my best suggestions for the perfect Independence Day six pack. Drink up!

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Anchorage Brewing & Jolly Pumpkin | Calabaza Boreal

Anchorage Brewing & Jolly Pumpkin | Calabaza Boreal

ABV: 7.0%

In honor of our collaboration roundtable this week, I figured I’d showcase a recent collaboration from a pair of breweries that I love to death. Calabaza Boreal is a team-brew by Anchorage Brewing and Jolly Pumpkin, and I’ll spoil the article early to reveal that this beer is delicious. If you like sours, you were probably excited when you read the title.

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Brauhaus Hartmannsdorf GmbH | Döllnitzer Ritterguts Gose

Döllnitzer Ritterguts Gose

ABV: 4.2%

I think I’m biased against ‘summer beers.’ I don’t dislike them on philosophical grounds: I love a good Helles, and summer Sundays practically beg for <5% brews in an ice bucket (when they beg for brews at all). But the beers of summer tend to attract gimmicks that I don’t especially like, and that information informs my opinion – fair or not. Every summer I find myself surfing the chilly beer cave of a local packie, mentally un-checking more bottles than I’ve dismissed in the past eight months. Sunflower label? No. Hoppy wheat? No. Apple Crisp whatever? Uh, no.

Arcane-looking German fellow with a tophat…?? Check-a-roo.

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Founders | Kentucky Breakfast Stout

I haven’t had this beer before.

I figured I would try Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout eventually, but I didn’t know when. I’ve heard stories of lines, of drives, of cases purloined from delivery vehicles. No beer should have a story this big. It’s almost unfair for a product’s reputation to balloon like the KBS brand has. Wouldn’t it be too much, almost inherently?

On April 1st, my home-brewing friend sent me a text: “You may want to swing by Liquor Barn on lunch. It’s Founders KBS day.” I looked at my phone, and I dismissed the idea out of hand.

But then I looked again.

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Stillwater Artisanal Ales |Existent Ale

ABV: 7.4%

Let me tell you about an unusual beer that I love, Stillwater Artisanal Ale’s Existent Ale.

The bottle describes Existent Ale as an American Farmhouse. However, the “American Farmhouse” moniker wholly belies the character in the bottle. In general, this situation isn’t rare in such an oversized category of ale. But in particular, this brew is an easy-drinking porter/saison mash-up that has no idea what it wants.

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Against the Grain Rico Sauvin

Against the Grain Rico Sauvin

ABV: 7.6%

I passed a lone bottle of Against the Grain’s Rico Sauvin IPA at Party Mart in Louisville, Ky. And then I stopped. And then I picked up the bottle. The gentleman on the wrapper peered suggestively at me. I registered vague surprise that the bottle wasn’t sticky.

I mean… look at that dude. He is so skanky. The pimply nose… the hop cone mustache… the tickled nipple. He stares into the skanky part of your soul. Then again, I think he reflects the beer-drinking facet that I love the most: skanky soul-searching. Preferably at 1AM+. I carried the bottle to the counter.

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Cantillon Fou’ Foune

Cantillon Fou’ Foune

ABV: 5.00 %

I attended the Shelton Brothers Post-Litigation Celebration last Friday at the Louisville Beer Store. If I’m honest, I didn’t go “because of Fou’ Foune,” exactly: I actually didn’t know much about Cantillon’s apricot lambic until the drive down. A friend told me it was a rare drink. LBS were selling bottles and pouring drafts, so why not go try it?

Beer geeks may be chewing their tongues right now.

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