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Star Wars: The Hype Awakens | *Updated December 14*

Star Wars: The Hype Awakens | *Updated December 14*
Drew Troller

This is it… the eighth and final week of PorchDrinking.com’s Star Wars hype blog. Our mission to get excited about The Force Awakens now enters its final stages, as the movie comes out this week. To follow the progress of the past seven weeks of anecdotes, viral Star Wars content, and just general nerd ecstasy, check out the links below…

And if you just want all the latest stuff, skip ahead here:

A link to the latest post from today (Monday)

Sunday, December 13

The Force Awakens comes out in 5 days. I’ll be honest: I’ll be relieved. You know what makes waiting for something really awesome a whole lot more frustrating? Writing about how awesome the thing you’re waiting for is. It’s like I ordered a delicious pizza, then to kill an hour of time before the pizza was delivered, I decided to watch videos of pizzas being made, research the history of pizza, and write 24,000 words about pizza. In my case, the pizza is Star Wars. For the better part of 2 months, I’ve ensconced myself in a world of Star Wars canonical trivia and general anticipation. It’ll be sort of a relief to unplug when the movie comes out… to just enjoy.

Still, our time together has been educational. I’ve learned a lot about Star Wars. I hope you have, too. Or at the very least, maybe you’ve gained some insight into what Star Wars means to one diehard fan (me). Here’s a look back at what we’ve learned together, with links to catch up or refresh yourself.

What have we learned?

And then there’s the few lessons we’ll learn in these last few days.

Monday, December 14

One of those lessons we’ll be learning this week: beware the dark side. And spoilers. 

Disney has been very careful about keeping secrets regarding what happens in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. We haven’t seen a single frame of who Andy Serkis is playing. We don’t know where the hell Luke Skywalker is. We don’t know what has happened in the 30 years since Return of the Jedi. And we don’t know what happens immediately before and after all those blaster shots and lightsaber swings we’ve seen in teasers and trailers.

Well, WE might not. But there are people who do. There are people who have spent countless hours sifting through call sheets, set photos, crew reports, and any other bit of information they can to come up with a complete view of what happens in The Force Awakens. And for those who want to be spoiled, there are ways of finding out.

There's an entire sub-reddit dedicated to divulging Star Wars plot points.
There’s an entire sub-reddit dedicated to divulging Star Wars plot points.

I’m anti-spoiler. There are things I know already that I wish I didn’t know. Small details, mostly. Vague ideas to suggest in what chronological order the footage I’ve seen will be arranged. And rumors. Oh, those pesky rumors. I’m finding myself covering my ears when a few co-workers discuss rumors, because I know for a fact that a few people at my water-cooler have read detailed, largely confirmed story outlines. I don’t want to be one of them.

Here’s the thing about spoilers, though. I would venture that a vast majority of people Googling Star Wars spoilers and digging through message boards aren’t doing so in an effort to spoil the movie for anyone else. They want to know what The Force Awakens will be like to confirm or refute any suspicions they have about whether or not it will be a good movie.

It’s like peeking in your mom’s closet right before Christmastime not because you want to ruin the magic of the holiday, but because you want to confirm that there’s a lot to be excited for on Christmas morning. BTW, sorry, Mom… I totally knew where every one of your hiding spots was for about 5 Christmases in a row.

But even Master Yoda knew that Luke needed to confront the dark side in order to realize its power and understand the importance of beating it.

So I’m going to do something possibly insane. I’m going to tempt you. Though I have not read the detailed and largely confirmed outline of The Force Awakens, I know where it lives.

If you truly want to know what happens in the movie, click here.

And then shut your effing mouth and don’t tell me ANYTHING. I know where the post is. I refuse to read it.

Everyone has the right to enjoy Star Wars in their own way. Once the movie drops in Europe on Wednesday, the internet will no longer be a safe place anyway. I might as well bring a little bit of chaos here.

This weekend was my company’s office party. I took Lyft (stay safe out there, revelers!), and this was my driver.

http://imgur.com/13OtxMc

For a few seconds, I misread my screen and thought I was on a Jedi mission IRL.

 

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