Though I was born a full 13 years after the release of Star Wars: Episode 4, there may be no movie which influenced or defined me quite like the Star Wars franchise. When I was 5 years old, I watched the entire original trilogy over the course of a weekend at my grandma’s house. I was never the same. I’ve joked before that my parents never had to give me the birds-and-the-bees talk, because by hooking me on Star Wars, they assured I’d be abstinent forever. Even at 23, I’m confident no woman will ever measure up to the ideal that is Princess Leia.

So what does all of this have to do with this week’s pop culture week in review? Well, there’s an amazing clip that you need to see.

Patton’s Vision

It’s a geek-king’s vision of what Star Wars: Episode 7 could be. In a preview of this week’s episode of Parks & Recreation, comedian Patton Oswalt riffs for a full 8 minutes about what he would do with the plot of the upcoming sequels. It’s 100% improvised, and 200% awesome.

Ford’s Fury

Elsewhere in pop culture Star Wars news, Harrison Ford had a funny bit on Jimmy Kimmel’s show where he insisted that audience members shut up about Star Wars, only to have several costumed Star Wars fans in the audience nervously ask other questions. Harrison Ford is great at pretending to be pissed off, and I’d pay 15 bucks to watch Star Wars 7 if it was just 2 hours of Han Solo yelling at young Jedi padawans to get off his lawn.

The Media Mourns with Boston

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention what a heartbreaking and tragic week it has been in America this week. We’ve had far too many of those lately. And in the wake of the horrific bombings at the Boston Marathon early this week, several late-night talk shows took a moment to set aside sarcasm and jokes to express condolences, shock, and hope for the people affected by this tragedy. Watch their reactions, from indignation to touching sincerity.

You Can’t Believe Everything You Read on the Internet

Guys, shame on you for thinking there would actually be a Friends reunion. News broke this week that NBC would bring back another full season of Friends. After all, Arrested Development, Whose Line is it Anyway, and Boy Meets World all got reboots; why not the 90s’ most popular sitcom? And a Latin American news source reported that the 6 friends were coming back for another go around.

First of all, the same site that posted this story also misspelled Will Ferrell’s name on the home page… not a super-reliable source. It took all of one day for NBC to confirm this is NOT a Friends reunion. Besides, those cast members all asked for $1 million per episode when the show was on… does anyone believe that any of those actors are still worth that cash?

Dexter’s Last Hoorah

Showtime’s creepiest serial-killer show will say goodbye this year. Not shocking, since its ratings and critics have been slowly turning on the show. Also not surprising because shows get more expensive as they age, and Showtime has a lot of emerging shows to take Dexter’s place. Lookin’ at you, Homeland. Stop sucking at what you do.

And Because Drew is a 90’s Nostalgist who Apparently Lives Under a Rock or Maybe Just Doesn’t Have Cable

Did you guys know that they brought back the Nickelodeon show Figure It Out? Like, not repeats. New episodes. What?! This actually isn’t news, but I just heard about it this week and had no idea.