The Oscars Happened

Here’s basically all you need to know, if you haven’t heard it already:

Travolta did something insane to Idina Menzel…again. I look forward to this becoming an Oscar tradition.

And nothing else happened.

Ok fine.  Other things happened

Birdman won Best Picture.  Common’s real name is Lonnie Lynn.  John Legend’s real name is John Stephens.  Together they made Chris Pine weep.  Patricia Arquette told gays and blacks they need to fight for women because all their dreams have come true.  Sean Penn was racist (even if they are friends, it’s still racist).  Neil Patrick Harris was there.

The last episode of Parks and Recreation aired

I still haven’t watched it.  If I don’t watch it, the show will never be over.  Right?  RIGHT?!

This isn’t so much ‘news’ as ‘I saw this while I was writing and needed to share my shame’

Have you watched that?  Did the weird Dr. Pepper genie seem familiar in a very 2002 sort of way?  Well, I immediately recognized that person as American Idol Season 1 runner up and star of the film From Justin to Kelly Justin Guarini.  Again, this isn’t news but I felt compelled to confess that I immediately knew who that person was.

Lady Gaga will star in the next season of American Horror Story

Naturally, we don’t know who or what or where or why.  Well, we know why.  Because Ryan Murphy really likes Lady Gaga.  But other than that, all we know is that she will be there.  This is me filling space in a paragraph where there is no more information on the story, but I’m trying to make it seem like there’s more going on.  Words.  What are words?

Katee Sackoff.  James Van der Beek. Mother fucking Power Rangers.

UPDATE: You probably tried to watch that and got a “Video unavailable” message.  Well, apparently the owners of Power Rangers weren’t too keen on the gritty version by Joseph Kahn.  Kahn tweeted Tuesday, “Saban is trying to shut POWER/RANGERS down. If you’d like to keep watching, tell them to stop harassing me http://www.sabanbrands.com/contact/”  So you know, go for it.

The dress is white and gold and I don’t care how many pictures of the real dress you send me.

I cant evin.