Kids, Say Hi To Mommy’s Music! Side Benefit Of Driving Necessity

Let me start by saying that I lived in different countries throughout my life, and nowhere, I mean NOWHERE, have I seen as much driving as in the US. No public transport in small cities, no walking, either. Just driving. Endless driving. This was a major drawback to a person who had been brought up in Europe and the Middle East. I need not explain to you how disagreeable it can be. That fact also predetermines the experience of the people of beer culture. The spontaneous, casual visit to the pub in areas constructed around cars is more difficult to find. The visit to a brewery is an activity planned and not an accident you happen to have on the way home. 

The traveling between locations alters the tempo of it all, less spontaneous exploration, more conscious journeying. It turns it into an experience that is meant to walk in and out to a coordinated, timed one that is likely to involve a ride back as well. The commute costs the family time, exercise time, hangout time, whatever you want to call it. The US is a work country, to my mind, and nothing more. Attempt to juggle between work and family, you cretin! But I balanced it. Which is a whole other story. I would like to tell you about the unforeseen advantage of driving my kids around the whole day today, the MUSIC sharing! Between teas of water, juice, or what they may insist on introducing with them, the automobile is our miniature concert hall. Let’s go!

Versatility vs. Taste

My husband and I have very different tastes in music. He’s all about ’60s and ’70s rock, while my ADHD-ass taste spans from salsa to ’90s rap to Rammstein and folk. What can I say… I used to even make videos of the kids sometimes, and put them on different tracks. Weird but memorable.  Yes, car time is also time for conversations, heart-to-hearts, and chuckles, but the music… No one warned me how influential it could be. When my then 4-year-old son heard “For whom the bell tolls” for the first time with dad, he said, “Why are they screaming? Are they angry?” We ended up having a whole conversation (completely unnecessary too at his age) about Metallica and how they are actually kind, caring people, and that sometimes music is a release for things we feel but can’t express otherwise. 

The same happened with Alanis Morissette, Fleetwood Mac, Juan Luis Guerra, Bon Jovi, Africando, Destiny’s Child, Aerosmith, ACDC, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Soledad Bravo. Yep, I wasn’t kidding about the crazy. I’m not going to lie, while my husband has a perfect ear and is quite rigid about what music he ‘allows’ near his ears, having musical ‘taste’ as in knowing ‘good’ music from ‘bad’ music was never my forte. I don’t even have a favorite album, per se. I know I love something when I hear it, and that’s my only guideline. 

How something makes me feel matters more than what’s considered “good taste.” So yes, maybe I should have shaped my kids’ music preferences a bit more. But now that they’re preteens, I genuinely enjoy how they explore on their own, picking songs and artists that surprise me and even introducing me to things I’ve never heard before. Sometimes it catches me off guard. My son has gotten into death metal, which I’m quietly hoping is just a phase, while my daughter leans toward soft vocals and folk music, something I never really connected with. Still, I like to think those long car rides, and even the occasional festival with live music, gave them the space to explore. At this point, their taste feels like a true reflection of who they are: tender, curious, sometimes confused, sometimes overwhelmed, but always growing and full of feeling. 

Moving Classroom

Most of us don’t get a lot of quality time with kids. Car rides did that, though. I didn’t expect that to happen, but happen it did. 1-2, sometimes 3 hours a day, when I don’t let myself be bothered by traffic, rude drivers, noise, and just spend some quality time with the kids. As I said, that time involved a lot of music conversations, but not only. As time is scarce, we used to do a lot of homework in the car, even read sometimes, and discuss lots of interesting/annoying/wonderful things. 

Now that they have smartphones, that all went to hell in a handbasket, but I’m still urging them to turn off their screens while we’re in the car. Got a small victory, though. Petty, but satisfying. Their friends, if given a choice, want to ride in our car. And I get to witness their dumb conversations, their uncontrollable laughter that makes me clutch the wheel most of the time. They stink up the car, too, because they forget I’m there. They’re talking like no one’s listening; they are being kind to each other precisely because they forget I’m there. Whew… what can I say… the car became a classroom on wheels that I didn’t ask for, and I’m so glad it did. 

There’s something oddly familiar in that kind of unfiltered moment, the way people loosen up, drop the performance, and settle into something real. It’s the same energy you catch in the corner of a brewery taproom in local breweries’ culture, where conversations drift, laughter carries, and no one is trying too hard to impress. That kind of atmosphere can’t be staged. It happens when people forget to edit themselves.

Their Music Comes First??

I didn’t know they would flip on me. But now, the car is not the place for my music anymore, but the place for THEIR music. This has a few side benefits. 

Hub for a New Tune

If they have something nice to show me, they play it in the car. New bands, nice covers, maybe. New genres sometimes. As I say, I’m not very organized when it comes to music, so I’m glad my metal-head son brought me Porcupine Tree, soft, melodic, sometimes depressive, but overall my favorite in the previous month. My daughter brought me Marino, a young boy whom I would have never picked out of a lineup, but he has interesting lyrics and a voice that speaks to me somehow. A Gen Z artist I would have never thought to look for otherwise.  

Tolerance and respect

The kids don’t really have ANY common music yet, except maybe for Nirvana, but they’ve learned to compromise and make playlists for long rides of things we would potentially all enjoy. It was a hard road, let me tell ya. Starting from “Eeeeww, I don’t want to listen to your stupid stuff,” blah blah, and ending with SILENT respect to other people’s music. By the way, the same goes for all kids riding with us.  

Be The DJ Tradition

We started a tradition where every kid riding with us for the first time gets to be the DJ and pick the music. Classmates coming over, cousins’ friends going to practice, their parents (if they’re riding with us), anyone stepping into the car shares at least one song. Of course, I don’t force it, but it usually goes like this: “Hey, want to be the DJ?” “Sure!” Not a single one so far. You might love Rachmaninoff or lean into something completely different. I don’t mind, as long as there’s curiosity and a bit of respect behind the choice. That’s what I’m hoping to pass on in that small, moving space. It is ironic how that ritual begins to become familiar on a larger scale. Each one comes with something of their own, and the combination turns out to be more enriched. Nobody is attempting to find one right answer; the worth lies in the diversity, the desire to hear, and the little surprises in the process. Very soon, we will not have any more trips with Mom. However, even as there are, I am including some of my playlists borrowed by the same individuals who failed to give me even a moment of peace in the last four consecutive years.